FROM THE DAY YOUR DAUGHTER IS BORN UNTIL SHE GRADUATES FROM HIGH SCHOOL … THE WEEKS MOVE QUICKLY. ARE YOU WASTING THIS TIME? DO YOU NEED TO BUILD THOSE RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR DAUGTHERS NOW?
In the blog post earlier this month (https://www.dianedaviscoaching.com/post/there-really-aren-t-any-u-hauls-in-heaven) we talked about the importance of meaningful relationships. I think those “meaningful relationships” can be grouped into five (5) categories. (Yes, some people may have more categories … but these are the ones I choose to focus on.) Those categories are:
Self to God
Husband to Wife
Father to Daughter(s)
Father to Son(s)
Self to Friend(s)
THE EXECUTIVES AND ENTREPRENEURS BEGIN TO QUESTION
The executives and entrepreneurs I coach are those individuals
who would define themselves as focused, goal-oriented people;
whose tenacity has resulted in their achieving or being on the way of achieving their goals; and
who have been blessed with more of the trappings of success than most people their age.
And while one of their goals has been and still is to provide for their families, lately they have begun to question how much they might be shortchanging their families.
For purposes of this blog, we will narrow our focus to their relationships as fathers with their daughters.
TWO IMPORTANT CONCEPTS
The place we have to begin is to come to an understanding of two (2) important concepts:
the value of our time; and
just how important fathers are to their daughters.
We can get more of almost everything BUT time. As the only thing that is truly limited, we should be very intentional about its use. There are many quotes that bring this point home.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Steve Jobs
Don’t wait. The time will never be just right. Napoleon Hill
Do we need more time? Or do we need to be more disciplined with the time we have? Kerry Johnson
People often complain about lack of time when lack of direction is the real problem.
It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.
Seneca (On The Shortness Of Life)
Recently … I was working with a client who was hitting benchmark after bench mark in his business … whose market share was increasing … but who was becoming more and more concerned about the amount of time he was spending with his daughter. His daughter seemed to just accept the fact that daddy got home after she had gone to bed … usually was gone before she got up for school … and more often than not had some “event” that he had to go to on Saturdays. But inside him his heart was breaking as he saw the distance between them growing bigger and bigger.
Our first step was to find out exactly how he was spending his time. One specific strategy we used is called “Time Blocking” which consists in scheduling out everything in your entire day with time blocks, including meals, work projects and personal time.
He was faithful to time block his schedule for a week and over a session or two we were able to discover where precious hours were either being wasted or underutilized.
[If you are interested in getting more information about Time Blocking …
please reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.]
FATHERS TO DAUGHTERS
Having looked at his realistic time constraints, we then went onto looking into the importance of his relationship with his daughter. For Matthew 6:21 records Jesus' words, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (see also Luke 12:34). Most simply, this means that the things we give our money, time, and attention to are the things our hearts will care about.
If fathers really understand how important they are to their daughters’ lives, they will (I sincerely hope) be intentional about spending time with the young ladies they are blessed to call daughters.
I shared with him Kathleen Odenthal’s article entitled “10 Reasons Why Fathers Are so Important to Their Daughters” (https://holidappy.com/holidays/10-Reasons-Fathers-are-so-Important-to-their-Daughters) which provides the following list of “reasons”:
1. Fathers shape their daughters' self-esteem.
2. Fathers influence their daughters' body image.
3. Father-daughter bonds are correlated with academic abilities.
4. Fathers influence their daughters' behavior.
5. Fathers impact their daughters' social traits.
6. Fathers show their daughters how women deserve to be treated.
7. Fathers can help determine their daughters' persistence.
8. Fathers help define future romantic relationships for their daughters.
9. Fathers help define their daughters' non-romantic relationships.
10. Fathers are role models for their daughters whether they like it or not.
Reading this article gave my client a lot to think about. And it inspired him to get VERY intentional with his relationship with his daughter. So we worked to devise some specific strategies and he’s been implementing since then.
Just this past weekend he took his daughter to the Annual Father Daughter Dance for the first time. The look on his daughter’s face as captured in pictures with him radiates with happiness.
So it’s only been a few weeks but my client says that he’s already seeing the positive effects on his relationship. How great is that?
So … I hope this gives you something to think about. And …if you know a top-notch executive or stellar entrepreneur who might also be looking at their relationship with their daughter … please share this post with them.
*the Legacy Marble Jar serves as a visual reminder that will help parents play for keeps. Because when you see how much time you have left, you tend to do more with the time you have now.